I Ain't Saying I'm Perfect, But I Promise I'm Worth It

I have this complex with trying to be “perfect.” Not in the since that I spend 800 hours on my hair or make up or that I am OCD about making sure I have the wrinkles out of my pants, it’s more in my actions.

I want to always do the right thing and say the right thing and when I don’t, or I feel that I don’t I spin in to this crazy tornado of continuing to try and explain myself until I’m exhausted and have to throw up my hands and say, whatever will be, will be.

I got in to a car accident last Wednesday night. I’m fine, my car is barely dented (you can’t tell unless you have your nose to the bumper), and more importantly, the other people are fine. The poorly salted/sanded/plowed roads in Madison were no pleasure to be driving in, BUT, it was MY fault. I get that. And I felt/feel awful.

I apologized profusely to the couple and told my story to the police and then, I got a ticket (well, I didn’t actually receive it, I was told I would get it in the mail…so I’m still waiting…).

I beat the hell out of myself for it. I cried over it and I didn’t sleep over it – mainly because I felt SO bad and SO guilty.

(My mom does say that this is the reason they never had to punish me while growing up, I knew when I screwed up and I would punish myself).

Earlier this week I sent an email to a friend that I felt was maybe misunderstood so, when I received an email back, I immediately called and tried to clarify – you know, just to make sure that everyone was on the same page. Unfortunately, the message I left was STILL not REALLY what I wanted to say and could have been clearer. Normally, I would have followed up with another email or message to further explain but this time I didn’t. I gave in to the “whatever will be, will be” mantra a lot sooner than normal.

I’ve always strived really hard to be very clear with people (I’m a serious over communicator) but to also make sure that people are always happy with me. The being clear part isn’t all that hard, but I want to make sure that people aren’t annoyed with me or mad at me and this is easier said than done, my friends.

Hello, my name is Jennifer, and I am a people pleaser.

The people pleasing business is not often easy nor is it a good way to go through life. I’m realizing that and I’m working on it. But it’s hard to up root 28 years of a particular behavior in a matter of months.

I also think I just care way too much. Yes, about how people perceive me, but also how people FEEL. I legitimately care about people – very deeply. This often leads me in to a world of hurt, but I can’t go about living my life not caring how people are feeling or wanting to make sure that they are happy.

I was talking about this with a good friend last night and Kevin got mentioned and after thinking about him and the mess that he was, I said “you know, I really hope that he’s happy.” Bridget could have decked me at that point (which I appreciate since it means she cares since he is a total jackbag). But I do. I really hope that he’s happy.

It’s just me. I throw caution to the wind when it comes to people. I love without abandon. I always want to make sure that people are happy with me and that they know that they can count on me. I want people to know that I truly care about them and the things that are going on in their life and most of all, I just want my friends and loved ones to be happy. And I don't think that this is a bad thing.

This is all great and lovey dovey and touchy feely but when I don’t know that people know that, I can drive myself (and others) a tad bit crazy trying to explain.

I need to be better at thinking before I speak. I maybe need to be LESS of a communicator. I need to take a step back and make sure that I am truly happy before I work so hard to appease others. But, I won’t stop loving without abandon. I won’t stop giving my all to people. I just need to be a little smarter about it and not beat myself up so much in trying to get there.

I’m working on it…because as much as I aim at perfection, I am far from perfect.

In quoting one of my favorite “yay me” songs “I'm slow to trust but I'm quick to love…I push too hard and I give too much…I ain't saying I'm perfect, but I promise I'm worth it”

Giving Thanks...

Every year at Thanksgiving, my dad’s side of the family gathers at my parent’s house and as the turkey and mashed potatoes (and you know, all of the delicious things that go along with Thanksgiving dinner) are passed around the table we all mention what we are thankful for.

Some people have had big events happen this year, surgeries, illnesses, etc. and got a bit chocked up being thankful for family and for being able to be seated at the table again this year. My cousin Adam was thankful for my mom giving up her Packer ticket and for my dad for taking him to the game. My niece (who’s 3) was thankful for her whole family (asked earlier that morning she was thankful for cartoons and her whole family, but she dropped the cartoons when it came to show time). People were thankful for their kids and spouses. My dad gave the nicest thankful speech to my mom.

Me? I kept it short this year because had I really talked about what I was thankful for the speech would have lasted about 8 days and I would have cried. I simply said that I was thankful for my family and everyone’s health and for people supporting my crazy ass endeavors (you know, coming to watch me run marathons and taking random trips with me, etc.)

And I am thankful for those things.

But here, on my blog, in an untimely fashion, I’ll lay it all out…

I’m thankful that I made it to Thanksgiving. I went through a rough time last year – a time that I don’t think most people understand. I was a mess. I was at the lowest point I have ever been and it was scary. There were plenty of times when I wasn’t sure that I would make it out of the hole I was sinking in to alive. But, I dug my feet in and I slowly climbed out. I am stronger, smarter, and a whole lot better for it today.

I am thankful for my family. They are truly amazing.

My mom who can piss me off and be my best friend in the same sentence. She is an incredible person, someone who I’m so proud of. She works her ass off and doesn’t take enough credit for it. She’s smart and fun and it’s easy to forget she’s my mom because I tell her EVERYTHING, until I say something that strikes a chord and she lays it all out for me. Or when I don’t clean hard enough. I love when she feels to see if I have a temperature, still with a kiss on the forehead. I cherish our date nights and spending time together.

My dad who is one of the funniest people I know and can never fail to make me laugh – even when I don’t want to. His hugs are my favorite (besides those from my grandpa). He asks me when I’m going to stop running marathons, deep down I know it’s because he gets nervous for me and I love him for that. He works his ass off and doesn’t take enough credit for it. He is really smart and can debate a point like nobody. I love when he’ll agree to a dance with me. When he sings karaoke, it’s impressive.

My sister. I called her last night, as she was driving home behind me from a dinner that we had together. I called to tell her that I am really thankful that she’s my sister. We don’t always agree, but she is one of my very favorite people. She never ceases to amaze me. She has a good heart. We have fun together – whether it be a night on the town dancing or a dinner with friends. I like that she can easily be part of my group of friends now that we’re adults. She’s supportive and always tells me what she thinks (see the part where we don’t always agree…) and I appreciate her feedback whether it be about an outfit choice or a boy or the hot topic of the day.

My niece who I seriously don’t know what I do without. I can be having the worst day ever and just seeing her perks me up. She is insanely smart. Her vocabulary is out of control and she’s really funny. She’s a sassy little thing and I adore that. She is 3 going on 19 and I love spending time with her. Our dates are a blast and will only get more fun as she gets older.

My nephew is awesome. He is such a happy guy who is so snuggly and cuddly. I love walking in a room and seeing him light up and crawl over to me. I can’t wait until he starts to talk, he’s going to have quite the personality!

My grandparents are so supportive. My grandpa has driven out and back to Cali with me, hauling my junk up to an apartment I would move out of the next day. My grandma will talk politics with me and she’s so cute when she does. She gets so fired up and I love that. They both tell great stories about growing up and about their younger days. I really love spending time with them. They have also braved 2 marathons – standing around watching runners for several hours. I am so thankful for them. And, nothing beats a polka with my grandpa.

My aunts and uncles have always been interested in what I’m doing and who I am and where I’m going. I love that my family is so close. They all have very special places in my heart. They are always supportive and that makes doing hard things a lot easier when you know that people are cheering you on.

I have a great group of cousins that I’m thankful for. Watching us all grow up and come in to our own is fun.

I have an amazing group of friends – a group that if I went in to detail about each one this would be 500 pages long. I have these amazing people in my life who are kind and generous and supportive and who have loved me even when I didn’t love myself. They are smart and fun and always make me smile. They are people who I don’t feel ashamed to cry in front of. People who I can be goofy around and not feel weird about that. People who I can have serious conversations with and I am never judged. People who I turn to because I genuinely want their opinions and they will give them to me without holding back. People who make me laugh, hard. People who although we live thousands of miles away I keep in touch with and it feels like we’re right next door. I’m truly thankful for the people I get to call my friends.

I am thankful for being able to travel and see the world.

To have amazing learning experiences at every corner – despite some of them coming from unfortunate situations.

To be healthy and active. To be able to push myself physically and mentally further than I ever thought was possible and when I get to the extreme WANT to push a little more.

I'm thankful that I've found a calm in my life - that I'm at a place where I'm doing really well.

I'm thankful that I can be proud of myself and the person that I'm still becoming.

There's so much in my life to be thankful for - not just on Thanksgiving but all year long...

And, you know, I’m thankful for my blackberry.

Hello? Hello? YES! I'm alive!!

I’ve been absent – I know. It’s not that I don’t THINK about writing, I just really haven’t felt the urge to sit down and type. I think that not writing was part of my end of summer burn out. So…here’s an update about what’s going on…

**I continued to train for the Milwaukee Marathon, although, I’ll be honest, I slacked. I felt tired and burnt out on the process. I did every single one of my long runs (without too much complaining I may add) but chose staying in bed over cross training more often than not.
I would not have survived my long runs without Ann. First, she totally rules as a running partner, we have a good pace and even though she’s training for life, not a marathon currently (she’s super bad ass though and did one in March, does Tri’s and duathlons…) she’ll stick it out for at least 8 miles with me. That cut out a HUGE chunk of what I had to do on my own. Second, she’s just plain fun to talk to for that long. It’s fun to catch up on what’s going on in our lives and distress and vent and laugh.

This time around, I experienced the scariest thing EVER in my running career – you know, all of 2 whole years. I set out to do a 17 mile run with Krista (who is bad ass marathoner too!!) and it was a huge FAIL. It was a VERY stormy day and super humid. The run sucked hard for me and on the walk back BOTH of my calves cramped up. But not the kind of cramp that you can just walk off, I’m talking full on locked up legs. My calves contracted and pushed me up on to my toes and I couldn’t walk. Now, I know you’re all thinking that I just toughed it out and bit my tongue and kept moving – thank you, but, you’re wrong. I let out a huge scream, in fact I think it was “OH MY GOD KRISTA, HELP ME!” where in turn, my running partner for the day looked at me with fear in her eyes that I was both crazy and going to die (which I am and felt like I was).

Here I was lying on the street corner in Middleton, screaming (although I didn’t have any tears, that was good!) – right across the street from a fire station and NO hot fire guys came to assist, I think I’m going to write a letter. Krista and I worked out my cramps (she earns MAJOR friend points for this as I was sweaty and gross) and I went right to Endurance House, bought compression socks, and sulked in my bed for the rest of the day. Worst. Run. Ever.

**September 6th I turned 29. Yep. The BIG 2-9. I am excited about entering my last year as a 20 something. I think it’s going to be fun…the first month and a half certainly have been!
My birthday was over Labor Day weekend (You’re welcome. You get a day off because my mother was in labor with me! Ha?)…I had a blast, did some karaoke singing with Kendra, my sister threw me a BBQ and we went to a Snapper Game, and I had like 5 cakes over the course of a couple of weeks! Awesome? Yes.

**September 19th I celebrated officially with an amazing group of friends in Milwaukee. We ate at The Rock Bottom and went to a couple of bars. We got our drink on and our dance on and had a wonderful time! And, although my shoes were amazing (you know that shoes are my signature accessory), they were not stellar for walking in though and I walked all the way back to the hotel barefoot. Who knows why we didn’t take a cab!

**On October 4, 2009 I ran the Lakefront Marathon in Milwaukee. And even though I was totally burnt out and slacked during training, I was hell bent on running a 4:30 race. It was a freezing, windy day and thankfully the High School in Grafton (where we started) was open for us to warm up in. I ran in to or saw everyone I knew that was running, which was awesome and I was psyched at the start.

I ran with the 4:30 pacer for the first 21 miles. Yep. 21. Then, my body said, “screw you Jen” and I ended the race with a 4:38. Ok, ok, it’s only 8 min off my goal time you say, but 8 min in running is a LOT of time to make up. The most embarrassing thing of it is that both of my calves cramped right in front of the finish line – I had to walk it off before I could run across the line. That hasn’t happened before. The other two marathons I have been able to run in. So of course, I had a couple tears – not for my time really but for my bruised ego.

Oh well, spring will be here before you know it and I’ll try again.

I am of course, as always, so thankful that my family was there to cheer me on! I saw them at a few different points in the race – it’s so nice to see a familiar face! My good friends Rachel and her boyfriend Brian were also between mile 21 and 22 and Buddy was hanging out between 23 and 24. I cannot begin to thank them enough for being on the course, especially after mile 20!! I am also sad that I missed Charmian and Heather and her boys at the end, lots of chaos coupled with a crabby runner don’t bode well for trying to find people in a crowd. It takes a lot of effort for people to come out to a marathon, never knowing where the runner is really going to be and putting up with an insane, pretty poorly laid out finish line, I do appreciate them coming out and know that Charmian stayed to cheer on other runners which is so appreciated too!

Even though the marathon didn’t go as I had planned, I finished and didn’t die and really, deep down, it was fun. And, the best way to recover from a marathon? Head to Vegas, of course!!

**October 10th, Mary, Angie, Stephanie and I headed to Vegas to celebrate Mary’s 30th birthday – and boy did we celebrate! Without giving away too many details, because you know, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, I will say that we never got in before 4 am (two of the days it was 5!), I had a husband for about an hour, got a phone number and a room number of which only the phone number was used (don’t worry!) and had an incredible time – did a ton of dancing, drinking, and hanging out! Angie even won a $250 gift certificate to a spa where the 4 of us all got ½ hour massages!

**I have a busy week ahead next week – I promise to recount all of my activity – (ok, minus the boring stuff!). Monday night I’m throwing a “Martinis and Makeover” party and catching up with some old friends for dinner a couple of the nights. I’m also toasting Andy’s 30th birthday/new house on the 30th and celebrating Pat’s 60th birthday on the 31st (both in costume of course!!).

Marathon Training Round 3 - Update and Chicago Rock 'n' Roll 1/2 Marathon

Marathon training this time around seems hard. It’s hard to focus. My cross training has gone out the window. After the Green Bay Marathon I was all on track and ready to roll – completing what seemed like the perfect recovery plan – lots of swimming for a week and then starting to add runs back in and finally getting started on “Round 3.”

I’ve been getting all of my runs in, but they’re tough. My SI joint has been sucking lately and I’m feeling sluggish and slow. This could be due to the fact that I’ve gained a few pounds this summer and that I’ve spent a lot of time drinking and apparently, I’ve completely forgotten how to get to the Y.

I’ve been trying harder in the last couple of weeks though and have gotten in the pool and have done a little lifting here and there.

This past weekend I did the Inaugural Chicago Rock ‘n’ Roll ½ Marathon as a part of my training schedule.

I went down to Chicago on Friday night and spent most of the rainy Saturday hanging out with Mary in Lincoln Square – there was a “garden walk” which would have been better had it not been raining. We popped into some fun little shops and had a great lunch at Costello’s Sandwich and Sides I had an amazing turkey sandwich and a HUGE pickle…and let’s be honest, nothing gets me more excited than a big pickle (and get your mind out of the gutters, I’m talking Kosher here!).

We met up with Kendra and Jared and went down to get our race packets. We spent some time looking around the expo and I bought a “Stick” which is amazing. And tested out the Power Balance Bracelet which was the most crazy cool thing ever – a guy pushed down on your arm while you were on one foot and I (along with everyone else) fell over but then he handed you the bracelet and you stayed put. It has something to do with a computer chip that works with your electrons or something like that – as he was talking the only thing I heard was “you’ll get a big tumor” – but what do I know?

We had a great pasta dinner at Mary’s – it’s always such a pleasure to carbo load. I don’t eat enough pasta and bread, so it’s fun when you can really go to town!

Race morning we were up by 4:15 am and on the platform for the train a little before 5 heading down to Grant Park. The L got PACKED with people which was strangely fun because almost all of us were going to the same place. And the people who weren’t going to run were oddly fascinated (or totally annoyed) by all of us who were about to run 13.1 miles.

We hadn’t made plans to meet with Kendra and Jared before the race but we ran into them walking into the park! It was a great surprise! We checked our gear at Mary’s running group tent – which made life SO much easier.

The run went by pretty quickly, even though I was 5 minutes slower than I was in Kenosha. It was fun running downtown Chicago and as we came back north on the bike path, running towards the Chicago skyline was breathtaking. The 13 bands that lined the route were all really fun and the people were out in droves. It’s always great to have a big crowd to help you tackle the miles!

After the race I met up with Jared who finished in 1:39 and Brenna who was volunteering at a water station it was nice that they were there holding down a spot for us all to meet! Mary and Kendra joined us and we just hung out in Grant Park – Mary and I changed into new clothes (all a girl really needs after a race is a wet wash cloth and a change of clothes J - who needs a shower?!?), grabbed our beers and laid in the grass listening to Susan Tedeschi . Kendra and Jared joined us after they showered and we then headed through Millennium Park and on to Giordano's for “World Famous” Chicago deep dish pizza. It was truly a delightful afternoon!

I have a 17 miler looming over me this weekend, I am however, running all 17 with my friend Krista so at least I’ll have someone trudging along with me and I’m actually looking forward to it. We’ll see how it goes!

T. M. I.

In today’s computer based society filled with social networking tools like Facebook and MySpace, Twitter and blogs, are we giving away too much information about ourselves without leaving any mystery?

I will be the first one to admit, I love Facebook. I update my “status” constantly and I often feel like people really do care about the mundane details of my life. I mean really? I updated that I was getting my hair cut and colored and I got to learn that L really likes to get her scalp massaged when they’re washing her hair and seriously? That’s important stuff.

With this blog I put out tons of information about myself and my experiences - my likes and dislikes - allowing all of my millions of readers (ha!) to really know me. While there is some fun to that; I often wonder - when you’re getting so much constant information do you really need to spend any time with a person, or are snippets of status updates and blog posts good enough?

I always talk about how I’m an over communicator. And this blog really proves it. Follow me on Facebook or Twitter and you could really know what I’m doing and how I’m feeling on a constant reel all day every day. Which means, someone who may be apt to call every once and awhile or text and ask how you’re doing doesn’t have to because they already know that I’m headed to do yoga in my back yard or eating a delicious meal at The Rock with my favorite B-Town girls. This means, you lose human connection and that could lead to dangerous results.

I am sometimes hesitant about becoming friends with people on Facebook that I have recently met because it gives me all away. There is no need to call me and ask what I’m up to because they can see the pictures and read the comments. I’m raw and exposed and sometimes I don’t want to be. Sometimes I WANT a person to want to get to know me through long phone calls or heaven forbid actually spending time with me.

I am even more hesitant to give out the link to this blog (even though you can access it from my Facebook page) because here, in what I consider my own little world, I am letting the people in cyber space see me for who I really am thus allowing for a lot of judgment and criticism and for any mystery to be thrown out the window.

Some will say that I’m an open book anyway and even talking to me for 7 minuets will yield you a wealth of useless information about me, and they’re right. I ALWAYS have SOMETHING to say – whether it’s useful or not is another question – but isn’t it more fun to have that conversation in person rather than to read it in a blog? I myself am WAY more entertaining to spend time with than just read about - ha ha...

All of this means, I should just limit my status updating and my blogging but I’m sucked in. I enjoy it. I really do like reading (most of the time) about what people are up to. I like checking out their pictures and having a little window into their worlds. So I guess it’s a game of balance in trying to put things out there while maintaining a bit of the mystery which can be really intriguing…I will now become mysterious and leave you with that…

Honesty is the best policy

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how important honesty is. I truly believe that it’s good to be honest – especially when dealing with matters of the heart. I think that being able to express what you’re feeling is a good thing. It means that you’re figuring yourself out – who you are, what you want, and knowing where you are at this point in your life are all really important. And being able to communicate those things with people is really important.

I was 23 the first time someone was really honest with me and he looked me in the eyes and said those words that no one ever likes to hear. “I don’t think that we can be in a relationship” - - I like to twist those words around when I’m mad at him and say he told me that he didn’t like me but in reality, it was firm but gentle and he told me that he had no interest in me.

I was so disheartened. I thought that this person and I would be great together and that we would work well. He was the first person in LA that I really liked and the first person in general that I had been in to in a really long time and I felt broken. I felt like I had done something wrong. That if I could only be skinnier or prettier or funnier or smarter he would want me and we would work. I cried over him…big time.

However, in days after that conversation we talked and we started to hang out and I started to realize that although we may not work in a relationship, we had a really strong bond as friends. And, as heartbroken as I was over the situation I appreciated his honesty and I figured if he could be that honest with me about this and not just pretend that I didn’t exist or never talk to me again, I felt like I could grow up and learn that not all things that don’t work in one capacity won’t work in another.

Fast forward 6 years and he remains one of my very best friends. He’s the first one I call for everything – and since he’s old(er) – he usually has great words of advice for me. We’ve traveled together, we’ve stayed in each other’s home towns, and we have a great time together. I love him dearly and am so glad that he is in my life.

Since then, I have come to appreciate honesty and I expect it from people. I know that sometimes it’s hard to be honest about your feelings and emotions – especially with people that you don’t know all that well – but if you can do it – and you want to do it - it means a lot.

I always say that I would rather have someone tell me straight out that they’re just not that in to me than to lie or make up excuses or just go away. I think maybe it’s because I’d rather be friends with someone if possible than to not have a really great person in my life. Now don’t get me wrong, there are A LOT of people that I’m totally fine with saying “peace out” to and never seeing again. But there are rare occasions when I see something great in a person that I want to know them and even if nothing happens on the romantic end of things, I want them in my life because of what they could add to it.

I am an over communicator. I talk – a lot. When something upsets me or frustrates me or makes me incredibly happy, I talk about it (this also means that my friends are the greatest people ever because they continue to listen). I am not one to shy away from finding words to express how I’m feeling about something and sometimes I see that as a big vulnerability. Sometimes I feel that if I could just shut my mouth that maybe things would be better off – but ultimately, I know that they won’t.

And, in the way that I can communicate my own feelings, I think it’s really important to communicate how I feel about others. I hate to miss an opportunity to tell someone that I think they’re really great or to say I love you. I sometimes wonder if because I say these things a lot they may come off as trite – but every time I give out an appreciation, I mean it, from the bottom of my heart. I know that these things aren’t as easy for others as they are for me and I am also sometimes concerned that my expression of emotion and my communicating EVERYTHING is overbearing for some. But, it’s who I am and what I do and although I’ve thought about working on that, I just can’t change.

I recently had a very honest conversation with someone who I think is really great and during that conversation I said that anything I said would not change the way that they’re feeling. I believe that someone should feel how they feel and not be told to feel anything different. I don’t think that you move on from loss or hurt or frustration without working through your emotions. You need to feel what you are feeling, recognize it, accept it, address it and eventually there will come a time where you will feel different. You’ll move on, you’ll remember the good times but you won’t long for them, you’ll see that your past is an incredibly useful learning experience and proceed in a manner that is good for YOU – and not anyone else.

I sometimes think that I should have become a shrink, but all of them that I know (and I apologize to anyone I offend here) are pretty nuts themselves, so I’ll just play one on TV.

Additionally, I will always be the person that opens up to someone and hopefully makes them feel safe and secure and because of that, they’ll be really honest with me because I really do believe that honesty is the best policy.

It's so bad I can't even come up with a title...

I've been having writer's block lately. It's not that I don't have things going on that I could write about - believe me I do and it's probably more than anyone ever wants to read about - and maybe that's why I'm not writing. I just can't bear to write a blog or write in my journal or sometimes to even write a press release.

I want to write. Like I said, I have things to write about, just when I go to put it all down somewhere I find myself stopping short of saying the things that I really want to say. Like writing about being pissed off about not getting responses from people - I put things out into cyber space and I typically think it's the polite, even responsible thing to do to send a frickin email back - even if all it says is "I just don't want to." Something is better than nothing right? (And I guess with the nothing, the inference can be made that the answer is "I just don't want to" but I feel things like that should be said not just left out there - but I'm an over communicator).



So, since I'm finding myself not able to write - I'm stealing this idea off of another blog so that I can at least get some things down in writing...



I Can't - -

• stand getting my oil changed. There's just something about pulling into that garage and talking with the mechanics that just makes me feel weird and uneasy. I do it because I have to, not because I want to.
• live without my blackberry, coffee, and spell check.
• stand being late - and 5 min. early is late to me. It puts me into a panic. HATE IT.
• wear shorts while running.
• take a compliment

I Can - -

• Camp without an air mattress
• drink water from the tap - in fact I prefer it
• whistle by sucking in instead of blowing out - in fact, it's the only way I can do it.
• do a headstand (finally!)
• be strong and independent and still need my parents
• play the right hand part of any piano music you put in front of me - it's that damn left hand that I can't get down.
• cook - which may surprise some of you since I always claim that I'm not very domestic.
  

I Won't - -

• ever apologize for my politics
• stop dancing in the living room, singing loudly, or being silly just because I'm growing up
• give less than 100% of myself to people - be it my family, friends, or a person I meet on the street.
• stop running until my body physically cannot do it anymore - and I hope that's a long time from now.
• Think it's ever ok pretend someone is invisible.

I Will - -

• Bend over backwards to help a friend.
• Always give advice, even if it's not wanted.
• Be loud and sometimes funny.
• swear like a trucker even though I know it's not very lady like.
• Always find time to read to my niece and nephew - and find time for them in general

I Shouldn't - -

• Care so much about what other people think.
• Apologize for my feelings. It is what it is...
• Be so hard on myself
• waste so much time and energy on things that I can't control. Whatever will be, will be

I Should - -

• Say no more often
• Do more yoga
• Be proud of myself
• Spend more time writing, taking pictures, and creating in general
• wash my car more often