The printer is not working, my computer is atrociously slow today, it’s nice and sunny outside, and I am pondering life’s great questions; like why am I at work today and why is my nail polish chipping already when I just put it on Saturday…yes, I know, deep thinker.
I don’t know if it’s the springing ahead or if it’s a lack of sleep on Saturday night followed by an afternoon spent driving on Sunday that’s making me tired but I feel it today. My eyes are heavy and I could really go for a nap.
I could also go for a vacation. I have been craving a beach lately. Somewhere that I can lay in the sand, soak up the sun and have a drink in my hand (preferably something tropical and fruity). A place where flip flops and comfy cotton dresses are mandatory, the seafood and fruit are fresh and abundant, and the bars all have steel drum bands playing on outdoor patios till the wee hours of the morning.
2010 is starting out well. I’ve been insanely busy spending time with so many people I absolutely adore, meeting new people, getting to know people better, and just really enjoying myself. However, weekends that are packed with traveling, late nights, and lots of booze coupled with marathon training is making for a tired chick. This weekend I’m really looking forward to not having anything on my calendar (ask me again on Thursday and it’ll probably be full!). I plan on indulging in some yoga after a 12 mile run and just taking it easy. I’ve started a really good book (“Random Family: Love, Drugs, Trouble, and Coming of Age in the Bronx” by Adrian Nicole LeBlanc) and plan on spending a lot of time digesting it this weekend.
Since I’m on a random roll here, I am proudly announcing that I’m working really hard to think less and be in the moment more. I’ve been trying hard lately to not think about what is going to happen a mile down the road and to savor the steps that I am on right now. No one can predict what will happen in 2 days, 2 months, or 2 years and I need to stop worrying about and planning for things I have no control over.
My girlfriends tell me all the time that I think too much. And I do. A couple of weekends ago someone else mentioned it in a simple text message and I think that it has finally clicked. Don’t get me wrong, I still over think and think too much and too hard and too long about things I don’t have control over but I’m doing less analyzing – less trying to figure out what someone meant by a certain statement or what a certain action meant. I’m not worrying about people taking what I say the wrong way. I’m just trying really hard to be me and not worrying about what people are thinking when I say something silly or I dance a little too much or my hair isn’t perfect.
Saturday night I did just that. I said things that may have sounded funny but were true Jen, I danced my butt off and didn’t care what I looked like doing it, my hair was absolutely not perfect, and I may have had one too many gin and tonics. But I was me. I enjoyed the company of the person I was with immensely and I had fun.
At this point in the game I would normally start frantically questioning what was going to happen next, calculating moves and analyzing everything along the way. All in an effort to control a situation I have no control over…(ok, ok, I may be a bit of a control freak. Get over it.) Will I get a phone call? Should I call? Will I get blown off? Where is this going? What am I doing? Did I say something that I’ll regret? Did I send one too many text messages? How can I fix that? How can I make this progress in the way that I want it to?
The great thing is, I don’t feel like that at all. I had a fun weekend. What’s next? Who knows and that’s kind of the beauty of it…
Now, which way to the beach?