However, I have come to a couple of conclusions:
- I'm most comfortable with people who knew me pre May 2007 - these people knew me when I was 75 pounds heavier and liked me anyway. I sometimes (a lot of times) feel really weird about exposing the old me to people. I'm embarrassed about it - ashamed even - but I never ever felt that way then. There are pictures from college that people have uploaded onto their facebook pages that I am "tagged" in and I find myself always wanting to untag me in them so that any "new" friends that come along don't see what I used to look like. But I don't untag myself, because it's part of who I was - of who I still am. People I have known for awhile get that; they get that I have been through a major overhaul, but I'm still me.
- I am so lucky to have people in my life where I feel like I can say anything and not be judged and where I can be a little crazy and not care, I can "dance like no body's watching" because they're right there next to me. I don't have to sugar coat anything with these people; I don't have to always have a sunny disposition; and I can share anything and everything with them.
I'm still working on this - it's harder than I thought it would be for some reason - maybe because I'm still trying to figure out what being "most myself" really means. Who am I and what am I all about? I have a good idea but I'm still working on that.
In the effort of still working on figuring that out - I think that this Match thing may be helping - but only slightly.
I've been at this for 2 weeks; my profile has been looked at 1110 times; The return has not been so good. I've had some people contact me or note that they may be interested and I've made an effort to send out emails but so far, nothing all that exciting has come my way. Which is ok, I mean, I've only been at this for 2 weeks.
However, I did go on a date with a guy that one of my friends knows - not through Match. And while he was nice enough, there was no chemistry on my part.
Here's what I learned:
- I absolutely need someone who has an interest in traveling and has the ability to do so.
- Yes my friends, I love the big cities, so if you tell me you never want to step foot in NYC and that you hated LA, it's probably not a match.
- Furthermore, I adore Washington DC - for oh so many reasons. Love it or hate it, one should appreciate it - and if you don't, well, again, probably not a match.
- I get embarrassed really easily. Not so much from things that I'm doing but from things that people I'm with are doing. You'd think that after 28 years of knowing my dad, nothing anyone did would ever be embarrassing, but...not the case.
- I love food and am not shy about it - I am never "that girl" on a date - you know, the one who orders a side salad and a diet coke? However, when it gets pointed out to me that I eat like a normal person, again, I get embarrassed.
- I like alcohol. I know that may make me sound like a lush, but I enjoy going out and having drinks and going to wine tastings and I would really like to do that with someone who's going to join me. It's awkward to be drinking alone.
- I'm more passionate about knowing something about things that are going on in the world than I thought I was. I have a hard time when people tell me that they really just don't care about current events because, no matter what your position on those events is, they do matter.
So, I'm getting somewhere. I'm figuring it out. It was kind of fun to go on a date seeing as I haven't been on one since November and boy was THAT a learning process (fun overall...but I learned a lot of hard life lessons in November)...
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