Honesty is the best policy

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how important honesty is. I truly believe that it’s good to be honest – especially when dealing with matters of the heart. I think that being able to express what you’re feeling is a good thing. It means that you’re figuring yourself out – who you are, what you want, and knowing where you are at this point in your life are all really important. And being able to communicate those things with people is really important.

I was 23 the first time someone was really honest with me and he looked me in the eyes and said those words that no one ever likes to hear. “I don’t think that we can be in a relationship” - - I like to twist those words around when I’m mad at him and say he told me that he didn’t like me but in reality, it was firm but gentle and he told me that he had no interest in me.

I was so disheartened. I thought that this person and I would be great together and that we would work well. He was the first person in LA that I really liked and the first person in general that I had been in to in a really long time and I felt broken. I felt like I had done something wrong. That if I could only be skinnier or prettier or funnier or smarter he would want me and we would work. I cried over him…big time.

However, in days after that conversation we talked and we started to hang out and I started to realize that although we may not work in a relationship, we had a really strong bond as friends. And, as heartbroken as I was over the situation I appreciated his honesty and I figured if he could be that honest with me about this and not just pretend that I didn’t exist or never talk to me again, I felt like I could grow up and learn that not all things that don’t work in one capacity won’t work in another.

Fast forward 6 years and he remains one of my very best friends. He’s the first one I call for everything – and since he’s old(er) – he usually has great words of advice for me. We’ve traveled together, we’ve stayed in each other’s home towns, and we have a great time together. I love him dearly and am so glad that he is in my life.

Since then, I have come to appreciate honesty and I expect it from people. I know that sometimes it’s hard to be honest about your feelings and emotions – especially with people that you don’t know all that well – but if you can do it – and you want to do it - it means a lot.

I always say that I would rather have someone tell me straight out that they’re just not that in to me than to lie or make up excuses or just go away. I think maybe it’s because I’d rather be friends with someone if possible than to not have a really great person in my life. Now don’t get me wrong, there are A LOT of people that I’m totally fine with saying “peace out” to and never seeing again. But there are rare occasions when I see something great in a person that I want to know them and even if nothing happens on the romantic end of things, I want them in my life because of what they could add to it.

I am an over communicator. I talk – a lot. When something upsets me or frustrates me or makes me incredibly happy, I talk about it (this also means that my friends are the greatest people ever because they continue to listen). I am not one to shy away from finding words to express how I’m feeling about something and sometimes I see that as a big vulnerability. Sometimes I feel that if I could just shut my mouth that maybe things would be better off – but ultimately, I know that they won’t.

And, in the way that I can communicate my own feelings, I think it’s really important to communicate how I feel about others. I hate to miss an opportunity to tell someone that I think they’re really great or to say I love you. I sometimes wonder if because I say these things a lot they may come off as trite – but every time I give out an appreciation, I mean it, from the bottom of my heart. I know that these things aren’t as easy for others as they are for me and I am also sometimes concerned that my expression of emotion and my communicating EVERYTHING is overbearing for some. But, it’s who I am and what I do and although I’ve thought about working on that, I just can’t change.

I recently had a very honest conversation with someone who I think is really great and during that conversation I said that anything I said would not change the way that they’re feeling. I believe that someone should feel how they feel and not be told to feel anything different. I don’t think that you move on from loss or hurt or frustration without working through your emotions. You need to feel what you are feeling, recognize it, accept it, address it and eventually there will come a time where you will feel different. You’ll move on, you’ll remember the good times but you won’t long for them, you’ll see that your past is an incredibly useful learning experience and proceed in a manner that is good for YOU – and not anyone else.

I sometimes think that I should have become a shrink, but all of them that I know (and I apologize to anyone I offend here) are pretty nuts themselves, so I’ll just play one on TV.

Additionally, I will always be the person that opens up to someone and hopefully makes them feel safe and secure and because of that, they’ll be really honest with me because I really do believe that honesty is the best policy.