Stop Avoiding ME

Ok, so I've been avoiding myself lately - my blog, my journal, my body, and my head have all taken a back seat to this SUPER weird month of May.

As this month closes, I have to say I didn't like it so much. I have had more WTF moments this month than I have in the last year - from a whirlwind trip to NYC to getting into and out of a "relationship" and maybe back into it again, to going through my grandma's house deciding what I want to take to remember her and my grandpa, to annoying things at work and people leaving...It has truly been a month that I want to do nothing but shout WTF at...although I use the real words cause that's the kind of girl I am.

So, I'm not going to avoid myself anymore - in fact, I'm starting to train for a marathon and am getting back to my journal and my blog and myself.

I have done a LOT of thinking this month though - about the kind of girl I am and the kind of girl I want to be...and the kind of girl I don't want to be.

I'm the kind of girl who values sentiment - I don't need "stuff" but I need pictures and things that remind me of times gone by or times that I never knew.

I'm the kind of girl who doesn't say no, and needs to learn how. I take on so many things that I often put things I truly love to the wayside because I always feel like I have to be a people pleaser.

I'm the kind of girl who wants to explore and learn and see and do. Not the kind of girl who wants to sit around when I'm somewhere fabulous.

I'm the kind of girl who values other people's time and learns to appreciate the time that I get with people. I am not the kind of girl who needs to spend every waking second with the same person.

I'm the kind of girl who's independent. There are so many things I love about living alone and being single and doing my own thing - managing my own life and finances and apartment. But I'm also the kind of girl who would love to share all of those things with someone.

I'm the kind of girl who is giving - sometimes too giving. I give freely of my time (which I don't have much of) and myself - who I am and what I'm all about. I get burned a lot for that but I'm not willing to do it any other way. I don't hide things or emotion from people.

I'm the kind of girl who gets frustrated over little things that I shouldn't - I'm working on that one.

I'm the kind of girl who can play playstation, eat frozen pizza and drink beer one night, and be at a 5 course dinner and the opera the next. I think that this makes me special. :)

I'm the kind of girl who sometimes just likes to be at home, alone, with reruns of sex and the city and Chinese take out.

I'm the kind of girl who can hang with the guys at a sporting event in a baseball hat and then get dolled up and have a night on the town with my girlfriends.

I'm the kind of girl who is crazy complicated but incredibly simple...and I like it that way.

There are lots of other things that could be included in this list, because well, note the last statement! The bottom line is that I'm not avoiding myself any more, which is refreshing!